Week in review (4/10)

3 Musketeers Mint flavour (7/10)

After my first bite I realized this chocolate bar was designed for women. I chewed, swallowed and then looked at it like a monkey looking at a cell phone, confused. What is this thing for? First of all, dark chocolate? One day a super shitty and bored scientist in going to discover the gene in female DNA that enjoys dark chocolate and hopefully eradicate it like Parkinson’s disease.

It tastes like concentrated dirt. Maybe it's an evolutionary thing, like the women that could handle eating their kids dark chocolate and black jelly beans had one tiny advantage over the mean moms that didn't and some how grew to dominate the gene pool.

The mint goo on the other hand is quite refreshing and made we wonder if I wrote a nice letter to either Chevy Chase, Martin Short or Steve Martin they'd send me a tub of it so I could scoop it out like ice-cream.

Also on the package it says "Now with 30 percent less fat" another indicator that it is designed for women, because for me and I'm hoping the rest of the population that likes to call themselves men, 30% merely translates to 30% less good. You might as well eat something that is 100% fat and just not eat the last bite, at least you'd enjoy that 70%, rather than eat 100% of dirt wrapped around goo that could be 30% more delicious.

Windows 7 / Snow Leopard (bad/good)

Question... Why are nerds getting technoboners for Windows 7? Its exactly the same as Vista or XP. All it seems they ever do in new Windows editions is make the windows themselves look cooler, everything has basically been the same since Windows 3.0.

"Does it do anything cooler or faster than the last 10 versions?"

Bill gates "Not really except when you click on a icon the window flies at you and does a bunch of flips and stuff, pretty cool eh?"

"not really... it just crashed"

Snow Leopard on the other hand is actually faster, even on older macs, when has Windows ever been able to say that? I just put it on my MacBook, and it feels like I have a whole new computer, and it was only $36 at Best buy.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (9/10)

Cloudy with 100% chance of hilarity, honesty this is one the best movies of the year.

P90x (5/10)

Seeing how I spend 90% of my time either sitting at a computer desk or lying in bed eating bowls of popcorn and M&M's I'm starting to get a little worried that I'm going to wake up one day and see Arnold schwarzenegger…..from Junior, staring back at me in the mirror. Like I'm going to get that really unhealthy fat where my arms and legs are super skinny but I have a gut like I'm wearing a Halloween costume. Like those guys that have to sit the waist of their pants above their belly button or they'll just fall down.

I don't like gym's because if you want to work out for 20 minutes, with all the travel time and getting dressed, showered etc. it turns into 2 hours. Between work, making ceiling TVs, technofrankensteining, and backwards engineering peanut butter noodles I just don't have the time.

So I downloaded P90X, how it works, by what I've gathered from watching the intro movie, is you work out for 90 minutes everyday for 90 days. And then you turn into a juiced-up super hero that has the ability to turn girls panties into solid lead. You walk down the street and all you hear is, clang clang clang. At least that’s what the guy in the video told me.  Also I was told about 15 times in 20 minutes that I was awesome, that felt good.

I am being honest with myself though and have made my own version, P45R. I'm going to go halfzees on it 45 minutes every other day. Which will be pushing it already. Did the Ab burner yesterday and I can already see a sick 8 pack trying to break through the space bag.  Clang clang clang.

Update: Already gave up.  

Flash Forward (2/10)

Time from Lost got his own spinoff show. I thought this was going to be amazing, but all they ever do is remind you of what they all saw during their flash forward into the future, over and over again.

I got it, you've already told me 300 times, Kumar is going to die, that chick from Lost is going to be a home wrecker, and Jim from Huckleberry Fin is going to be taking a dump.

It's a good concept it just doesn't have legs. You know the seasons finale is going to end like this.

"There we fixed the problem, no more time warping, and it's amazing that no matter what we did to avoid it, everything we saw ended up happening, well I'm glad that’s all packed up in a nice little pack-" whole world passes out again, cue dramatic bass drum hit, black, credits.

Fat guy watching (mouthful of snacks) "Wooohh... no way!"

Why doesn't anybody in "avoid your destiny" shows and movies ever follow the "Just hiding in a fucking closet that day" rule?

Check Please (2/10)

When did this blog turn into a fat nerd's diary.